Closing

Writing this feels wierd, awkward, like a dream. Most of the time I don't realize when life has moved on. I just suddenly look at myself in the mirror and go, "When did my hair get this long?" "When did these jeans get so short?" This school year is basically over but I still feel like a baby freshman. This year has changed me so much, yet I am the same. All the insecurities, all the worries, the hopes - they're all still there. New experiences and realizations are just piled on top, making me a slightly different person. I didn't accomplish any of the goals that I had intended this year, but as I look at the goals I wanted to achieve I wonder if they were really the right goals for me. Most of my blogs that are more free written struggle with the concept of how to be happy, how to be yourself. My main goal this year was to be myself but I don't think that was the right goal for me because I don't think I really know who I am. Actually I think thats wrong. I know who I am but I'm confused as to whether thats who I want to be. The image of me in my head, and the person I truly am - are two different people. My writing reflects the confusion I feel inside of me. The quotes about living to the fullest, about not living in moderation, about getting up and crying or jumping for joy, the quotes about letting go and letting love in; all reflect the person in me who wants to stand up and be loud and outgoing. But I think my real calling is being an observer. Sometimes it is hard to come to term with who you are because the way you see yourself is different from who you are or who you want to be.
           One of the best ways to look at who you are and what you represent is to look at your friends. When I do that the confusion just piles up because my friends are all so different, all so unique, they all have something going with them that is so completely different from me. But I think they all have one thing in common: they aren't judgmental. I think the fact that none of my friends are very judgmental reflects the strangeness of myself. Time and time again I've been told I'm wierd, I'm awkward, I'm shy. THey're probably right, for a teenager I am definitely wierd. I hate junk food, I love learning, I like my parents music (Dave mathews, ROb THomas, Zydeco, Neville Brothers), I love yoga, I get up 7:30 everyday, I hate sleepovers, I'm okay to just hang out by myself and write or read. I think this blog is letting out who I want to be. I think I get shy sometimes because I feel like If i Say something people are going to judge me. I am different, I don't see eye to eye on everything. Because people get annoyed if you disagree with them I think I stop saying some of the stuff I'd like to. My blogs reflect this message and I think the current song which I forgot the name of that says, "Not everybody lives but everybody dies." Really sums up how I feel sometimes. Also 'Airplanes" is a great song that sums my feelings.
                        Through all of this writing I've learned a lot about who I really am and what I really want. I realize that I am a complicated person. I am a omnivert; an introvert and an extrovert. Someone who is shy and loud. I realized that I have my good days and my bad days and that I should just accept it. I also realize that I need to be who I truly am more. Stop worrying about what other people are doing, stop caring about what they are doing. By having realized so much about myself I have also accomplished a greater self peace and less anxiety. I think the blog was great. It forced me to let out what was inside. THANK YOU MRS. GIlMAN!

Great Expectations Essay

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. The Great Expectations essay was very challenging and really pushed me outside my safe box. I took my own original idea and wrote an essay on it that is uniquely my own. I had to redo it at least 4 times and because of all that hard work, it is memorable. It is also quite good :)
             The assignment I am referring to is The Great Expectations Essay assignment. In this assignment we had to read Great Expectations, annotate it, and then write an original essay about the theme of the novel combined with character development. Instead of only writing about theme or only writing about character development, we had to do both. That made this assignment that much harder. I chose to write about color symbolization enhancing the theme of love over money throughout Pip's life. I really enjoyed this assignment because it made me a better writer.

Poetry

            In 3rd grade I had a horrible, horrible, horrible teacher! She made us read and write poetry. She would look over our shoulder and tell us little "nuggets of constructive critiscm." Her name was Mrs. Robinson and we did not get along.
             I can think of countless thing I did to annoy her, and countless things she did to annoy me. I had recess before her writing class and would always try to get hurt before so I could go to the nurse instead of her classroom. One day I came into the classroom with a popsicle and she sent me to the principle. One day she gave me two peices of paper, instead of the usual one, and with that second piece of paper I wrote a note to my friend Karoline; she sent me to the principal. One day she said something that was really stupid and I laughed so hard I fell out of my seat; she sent my to the principle. One day we were talking about middle names, and in 3rd grade I thought that middle names were names you could choose for yourself. I liked so many names that I had 10 different "middle names." My teacher did not understand my logic, said I was being disruptive and rude, and sent me to the principals office. AGAIN! After all of this treachery it is clear that me and Mrs. Robinson did NOT get along. And she, being my very first poetry teacher, swayed poetry in the wrong direction.I have, however, started to like poetry again as the memories of her and her disastrous teaching techniques get farther and farther away!

"The Reality Concept"

There are many different kinds of conflict evident within Romeo and Juliet. For instance there are internal conflicts, external conflicts, physical conflicts, and my personal favorite, the "Is this really happening" conlict. The "is this really happening" conflict is seen often, mostly through Romeo, and ties human nature, passionate love, and depth of emotion all together in one big knot. An amazing example of this is when Romeo is aware of the danger he is in when he visits Juliet yet chooses to ignore it and says, "I have nights cloak to hide me from their eyes, and, but thou love me, let them find me here. My life were better ended by their hate than death prorogued wanting of thy love." (2.2.80) You may be wondering what is Tali talking about, I really don't get it. Basically, the "is this really happening Conflict" is a conflict in which the person to which the conflict is happening looks at the conflict with an eye deeming the could-be punishment false or for some reason a joke. For example, when you break your arm you look at your arm and think, "Haha funny, when is this dream going to end...is this really happening?" When Romeo visits Juliet, he knows that he could be killed but he uses love as a blindfold and somewhat pretends or is maybe too "in love" to grasp that he could really be killed and that it isn't just a joke. Similarly, when Romeo approaches the physical conflict of Mercutio and Tybalt fighting he intervenes like it is a joke or a video game in which, if something goes bad, you can always 'restart.' In life this is not the case. Romeo says, "Gentlemen, for shame forbear this outrage! Tybalt! Mercutio! The Prince expressly hath forbid this bandying in Verona streets. Hole, Tybalt! Good Mercutio!" (3.1.85) Here Romeo jumps in between the two fighting men as if he is invincible never thinking about the consequences or what could happen. And when Mercutio gets killed he acts like is this really happening? Did I really kill him? Another way you could describe this conflict, is the conflict of Extreme Emotions. This is both a good and a bad thing. It is great to love deeply, to be alive when you're happy but it is also a bad thing when you are depressed with grief and drowning in sorrow.

The Uglies :)

In Romeo and Juliet many different themes are enmeshed within. One that speaks to me is the theme of Style over Substance which is seen most everywhere today. In the Uglies series by Tom Westerfield the importance of looks is played upon with a new twist. For those of you who haven't read The Uglies it is about a world where at 16 everyone gets an operation done that makes you beautifu and thin but that takes out your independent-thinking brain cells. Basically you become beautiful and lose your brains. It shows what a world where everyone is beautiful might look like. When reading Romeo and Juliet, I noticed that they fall in love immediatly and Juliet even comments that she has heard him say less than 100 words and already loves him. When you have spent so little time with someone and have barely heard them talk, it is obvious that is not the brains and substance that is speaking but the beauty that they see within eachother. In the Uglies when everyone is beautiful, Tally (the main character) falls in love with someone who has escaped the surgery and not only does this coorelate with "forbidden love" theme but it also points out human nature which is that we always want what we don't have. When few are beautiful, we want beautiful; when few are ugly, we want "unique."  In Romeo and Juliet, Romeo and Juliet can't have eachother because their families are fighting, however, they try to find a way around it. Tally can't have the man she loves because he doesn't live in her pretty world and the pretty world doesn't let anyone in or out besides the new pretties.

I'm not sure if this made sense, but I hope someone caught my train of thought and found this interesting :)

Connection

Within the first few acts of Romeo and Juliet we are already making connections and tying things together. I personally connected to the idea of my father (and mother) giving me the choice of who I marry. My mom and dad have always told me that who I married was my decision and that whoever it was, they would give their full support. In the case of Juliets father Capulet he has said that he will let Paris try to woo his daughter but will let her make the final decision, much as my parents have told me.

The longer I read this play the easier it gets. In 1.1 I had a little trouble understanding what was going on but now as I have learned his writing style I have enhanced my own abilities to understand and the reading gets less confusing. It helps to read it at home and then read it at school because when I read it at home I can try my hand at deciphering what is going on and take as long as I want, where at school I get to hear other input and hear what Shakespeare might really be conveying through different eyes. It also helps some to have the play read out loud in class.

RAPPING UP

The main theme that Charles Dickens wanted to convey in Great Expectations is that money doesn't mean happiness. He wants to show how the external layers of the world like clothes, money, and education are not directly related to how happy you are. Instead happiness comes from self-actualization and the relationships surrounding you. Charles Dickens uses a likeable character to help us realize that sometimes it is better to just be ourselves and be low class than to try to be high class but not have any fun in life. Something I found interesting was that Magwitch was one of the lowest class people in the novel but he made two of the high class people: Estella and Pip. He gave Pip the rescources to become a gentleman and Estella was his daughter thus he fueled them into who they became yet he was still low class. Truly happiness doesn't come from riches but from being true to who you are and who you want to be.