Closing

Writing this feels wierd, awkward, like a dream. Most of the time I don't realize when life has moved on. I just suddenly look at myself in the mirror and go, "When did my hair get this long?" "When did these jeans get so short?" This school year is basically over but I still feel like a baby freshman. This year has changed me so much, yet I am the same. All the insecurities, all the worries, the hopes - they're all still there. New experiences and realizations are just piled on top, making me a slightly different person. I didn't accomplish any of the goals that I had intended this year, but as I look at the goals I wanted to achieve I wonder if they were really the right goals for me. Most of my blogs that are more free written struggle with the concept of how to be happy, how to be yourself. My main goal this year was to be myself but I don't think that was the right goal for me because I don't think I really know who I am. Actually I think thats wrong. I know who I am but I'm confused as to whether thats who I want to be. The image of me in my head, and the person I truly am - are two different people. My writing reflects the confusion I feel inside of me. The quotes about living to the fullest, about not living in moderation, about getting up and crying or jumping for joy, the quotes about letting go and letting love in; all reflect the person in me who wants to stand up and be loud and outgoing. But I think my real calling is being an observer. Sometimes it is hard to come to term with who you are because the way you see yourself is different from who you are or who you want to be.
           One of the best ways to look at who you are and what you represent is to look at your friends. When I do that the confusion just piles up because my friends are all so different, all so unique, they all have something going with them that is so completely different from me. But I think they all have one thing in common: they aren't judgmental. I think the fact that none of my friends are very judgmental reflects the strangeness of myself. Time and time again I've been told I'm wierd, I'm awkward, I'm shy. THey're probably right, for a teenager I am definitely wierd. I hate junk food, I love learning, I like my parents music (Dave mathews, ROb THomas, Zydeco, Neville Brothers), I love yoga, I get up 7:30 everyday, I hate sleepovers, I'm okay to just hang out by myself and write or read. I think this blog is letting out who I want to be. I think I get shy sometimes because I feel like If i Say something people are going to judge me. I am different, I don't see eye to eye on everything. Because people get annoyed if you disagree with them I think I stop saying some of the stuff I'd like to. My blogs reflect this message and I think the current song which I forgot the name of that says, "Not everybody lives but everybody dies." Really sums up how I feel sometimes. Also 'Airplanes" is a great song that sums my feelings.
                        Through all of this writing I've learned a lot about who I really am and what I really want. I realize that I am a complicated person. I am a omnivert; an introvert and an extrovert. Someone who is shy and loud. I realized that I have my good days and my bad days and that I should just accept it. I also realize that I need to be who I truly am more. Stop worrying about what other people are doing, stop caring about what they are doing. By having realized so much about myself I have also accomplished a greater self peace and less anxiety. I think the blog was great. It forced me to let out what was inside. THANK YOU MRS. GIlMAN!

Great Expectations Essay

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. The Great Expectations essay was very challenging and really pushed me outside my safe box. I took my own original idea and wrote an essay on it that is uniquely my own. I had to redo it at least 4 times and because of all that hard work, it is memorable. It is also quite good :)
             The assignment I am referring to is The Great Expectations Essay assignment. In this assignment we had to read Great Expectations, annotate it, and then write an original essay about the theme of the novel combined with character development. Instead of only writing about theme or only writing about character development, we had to do both. That made this assignment that much harder. I chose to write about color symbolization enhancing the theme of love over money throughout Pip's life. I really enjoyed this assignment because it made me a better writer.

Poetry

            In 3rd grade I had a horrible, horrible, horrible teacher! She made us read and write poetry. She would look over our shoulder and tell us little "nuggets of constructive critiscm." Her name was Mrs. Robinson and we did not get along.
             I can think of countless thing I did to annoy her, and countless things she did to annoy me. I had recess before her writing class and would always try to get hurt before so I could go to the nurse instead of her classroom. One day I came into the classroom with a popsicle and she sent me to the principle. One day she gave me two peices of paper, instead of the usual one, and with that second piece of paper I wrote a note to my friend Karoline; she sent me to the principal. One day she said something that was really stupid and I laughed so hard I fell out of my seat; she sent my to the principle. One day we were talking about middle names, and in 3rd grade I thought that middle names were names you could choose for yourself. I liked so many names that I had 10 different "middle names." My teacher did not understand my logic, said I was being disruptive and rude, and sent me to the principals office. AGAIN! After all of this treachery it is clear that me and Mrs. Robinson did NOT get along. And she, being my very first poetry teacher, swayed poetry in the wrong direction.I have, however, started to like poetry again as the memories of her and her disastrous teaching techniques get farther and farther away!